i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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