it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
