I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
