new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize