theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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