is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
