so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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