So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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