Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
