My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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