My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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