just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
