the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
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okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
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I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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