I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
