just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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