I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
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I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
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When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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