I accidentally had phone sex last night
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
