I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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