Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
