M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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