I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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