You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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