I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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