I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
