I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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