I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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