Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He felt like a one man threesome
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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