Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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