I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
