I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
