You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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