i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
