So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
