it's like iHOP with fire
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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