just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
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I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
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He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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