I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
