I heard we made out
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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