I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize