She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
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The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
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I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize