I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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