dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I supernannyed him into submission
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
