remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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