im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
