I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
