It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
