dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
