Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
