angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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