As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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