One girl and one boy is just not enough.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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