i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
