I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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