Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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