Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
