that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
