We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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