And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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