Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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