apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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