3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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