My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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