is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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