how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
