Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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