i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
i've created a new STD.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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